I can barely run from my anxiousness Climbing trees to hide from disappointment Every word I try to express, comes out so meaningless I want to attend my own funeral I want to know what it feels like To have that moment of peace Where I finally get to sleep, I am just a weathered soul, a weakening heart With old bones like everyone else, trying to reason with my head in this mess Like a rotting boat, floating murky water; aimless from now on Portaits of my depression are hung up along the cemetery walls I am just a weathered soul, drowning in regret Another window, is closed, for daily happiness I'd love, a silent, night, But what's worse than nothing, is living, Waking up, waking up afraid I fold my knees up to my chest wrapping my arms around them, I feel the frost, blister my hands, trying to get my attention & the lack of sleep would be the anchor to this mess, I'm not a fool trying to grasp this, the pointlessness of happiness,

Another night spent on the floor Awaiting for, love's arrival Yet all I get is hope's departure Another mirage that I'm not after, I'm giving up, my weary soul The piercing noise, of fragile ghosts & now the light they'd once distort Is why I am at my own funeral, Misery come & take my soul, 'cause lonliness is the only girl that I can fall for, But even she, is not so faithful to a tattered soul She'd take my cigarettes & drink my whiskey whole, I lost my day, to a ceiling view, I lost my day to a Déjà vu, I can't sleep I can't grieve & I won't breathe, I won't, I said I fucking won't, & I'll fall, into a trance, dreaming about her hand (touching mine) & we'll fall into depression, & as I waste my hours attending a lie, As my chandelier starts to dim, I realize The coldest of nights; Now I realize why I've had the coldest of nights at home, Cause for 17 years now, I have been dead & all alone.

I've been dreaming with my eyes open in hope to find that someday I won't flirt with sadness, anymore, placing my hands against the door. I mutter to myself if nothings as it seems, Why can't I get to sleep? The distorted noise, reminds me I'm alone. & I'm afraid of confessing it, but I've never vented, I can't help it, I wake up exhausted & taunted, by the memories that keep haunting me. I want my life back. Everytime I seem to find some rest, the anxiousness becomes so painless, as if to feel I am on my deathbed, Still restless but no yet buried, Grasping my nails into my sheets, I scream, & for no reason, I'll start to weep, I'll leave myself behind, for old bones, Gathering the broken to bring to a new, To carry my heart alone, Yet I still feel so isolated, I don't know why, I keep spending nights in the cold & I'm running out of whiskey, to keep the warmth, It's a subtle reminder, that my knuckles are cold, What I knew is barely shattered glass anymore, Different remakes of glass along the wall, Each shard representing who I was, What you used to be, What we used to be, I can't walk away, so please don't walk away from me, & I'll turn my head, around, Only to forget, your "umbrella" can't stop this from, What it meant to me, when the distorted light, blurs the image. As soon as my eyes, met the back of your head. "I'm fighting, I swear I'm fucking fighting man, Fighting for my life I'm throwing punches at these nights, These nights I lie awake, fight for sleep, Hope I'm not drinking again, Fighting these words on this page, Hope I never have to see them again, I don't know where this will take us both, or the letters to form the words. The words that keep breaking me apart, From the words that we spoke, I will learn from this" - Adrian ~ Vera I'm scared of death. I don't want to die, I don't want to die, I don't want to die, I don't want to die, I don't want to die, I don't want to die, I don't want to fucking fade I'm so fucking scared, of what's here today I don't want to feel the way that we felt when we did last at the tracks, I'm lifting my head, trying to find some confidence & willingness I know I'm just a desperate soul, trying to grasp onto your head. I know we're all trying to fucking fight it, There's nothing left, there's no more confidence, so give it up, you're fucking useless, You left me on me deathbed I've got nothing left, I just want my life back There's nothing to be said We're all desperate souls, We're all miserable We're all desperate souls & I'm miserable.

Her & I go together like preachers & sin, watching it all wash away, In a river that doesn't seem to mean anything, Smoking cigarettes as much as we're using swear words & we hold each others hands into depression Let's take it back to the start, watch and wait, for it to begin, When we had drugs in our hand, poppin' 'em like panadol & chasing it with gin, & it makes me miss your smile, while our blood starts to thin, I've forgotten what your face looks like, even though I'm sitting right in front where you're standing. A paradise etched in snow. Home, I'm home. So when you've lived a lie, It's so beautiful, The way the cold weather blisters, It's an awful wound, & now we draw to an end, of the soul mates, & their paper house, being left in the rain, & in the morning over coffee you know our time is coming to an end, & when the rain won't stop falling you smashed the frame overhead our bed, Jagged pieces of our now "old life" Silence, is such a beautiful thing when you're in strife. All I wanted was a kiss

We we're both young souls In a little town, Smokes & a longneck, Seeing us through the downs & even the different blood, Couldn't separate us, It's 3:00 am, & we're drunk again, So dear old friend, A paid homage. To the peace, long deserved. Another night, I wish we could stay, sit on the couch & listen to Dead Days & 6:00 am shows us, the morning view, Dylan, we were born to lose. Another night, wasting my breath without you, My dead lungs will only breathe for so long Until we hang out again, in the place we belong, Little park, never felt so empty, at home. I miss you my friend.

They parted ways at the airport, Never to see one & another again, The last look they shared, was lost along, the miles to their faces, She wears the one last memory of him, a denim vest & a concerned kiss, He always said that it was sadness, the last gift she gave to him. She's such a beautiful girl, with such a beautiful smile. I know he'll find, his way back. Canberra, never looked so miserable, from a paper plane in a hailstorm, The soul mates would never cross each others path, each others path again, Losing that one chance at love, she forgot who he was The plane never made it to the ground & he never leaves her side, "So here I am, at the end & I am sorry, for everything I've done, all the mistakes I've made, cause fucking up takes practise & I feel I'm well rehearsed, I'm well rehearsed. Every night I watch your spirit grow, You always sleep so beautiful. Ashley.